apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize