I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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