i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
