my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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