i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
