you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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