I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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