I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
