My nipple is on Facebook.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
