I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Pants are for mortals
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
