I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
