I'm drive I can fine osifer
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
