is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
