Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
