i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
