put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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