I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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