yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
