Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
