Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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