No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
