we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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