I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
