She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize