Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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