It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
