Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
