She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
