im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
