sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
