I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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