What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
