He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Blood and glitter go together right?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
