So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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