I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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