ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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