i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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