I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
