also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
