i permit you to call me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
