Plan B is the new Plan A
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
