Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
