Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
