I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
