I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
