OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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