I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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