Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did you pee in the oven last night??
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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