i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
