if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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