How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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