Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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