The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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