I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
