i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
