Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
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