You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
