my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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