So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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