That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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