Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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