why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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