If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
