I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's never too late to be topless.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
