Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
