He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
