the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
