whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
