It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
