Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
