is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just gift wrapped bread.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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