really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
